“No sleep for you!” – my brain to me this morning
I woke all up bright-eyed and perky … at 3:45 am. Although the 3:45 am part isn’t unusual, the “bright-eyed and perky” part is.
My sleep has been problematic for at least a year now so I’m used to my eyes popping open, say at 2:00 am, and staying open for the rest of the night. I often wonder if my neighbors can hear me and what they must think of the strange lady in Apartment B doing laundry or dishes at 3:00 am.
But today’s early morning wake up brought more than just a clean kitchen and a packed lunch. For some reason, I got the idea to attend the 4:00 am PT phone meeting of CEA-HOW … and it turned out to be a game-changer.
The format of today’s meeting was a study of “Came to Believe,” a book of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) in which members share their experiences of coming to know their personal Higher Powers, most of whom call God.
The author of the story we read talked about how, when he got down on his knees and asked God to remove his obsession to drink, God did.
I realized that I had not yet done that. I had not yet taken the Third Step, which states that “We made a decision to turn our will and lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.”
I have not done this because I’m too busy playing God myself.
My self-sufficiency will be the death of me – quite literally. And my need to look good at all costs will put the final nail in the coffin. And my particular penchant for finding ways the requirements of recovery (i.e., phone calls, meetings, food plan) will be the last shovelful of dirt they throw on my coffin.
Thank God I heard the message this morning. And I mean, really, thank God. I think it was God who woke me up this morning just in the nick of time to attend the meeting. It was God who pointed out – through the writings of a long-ago sufferer of his own addiction – both the crux and solution to the problem that’s been blocking me from the help which is so readily available to me.
So, today, I say thank you and I ask humbly for the gift of abstinence and I know He will – and already has – given it to me.
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