Odd … Or God??

“Yesterday I quit smoking … Kind of.”

Yesterday, I was in my morning meditation talking to God (which is antithetical to meditation I know, but you have to start somewhere) and I said, “Okay, God, tell me what to do and I’ll do it.”

Throw out your cigarettes,” came The Thought.

What?

Throw out your cigarettes,” It repeated.

And my eyes widened because I knew it was the Voice of God.

Now how do I know this wasn’t just the latest in the never-ending manic thought avalanche of my monkey mind? Because I’ve come to understand during my 31 years of sobriety that the Voice of God can be defined by two things:

  1. The Thought is in my best interest.
  2. The Thought is not anything that I would ever naturally think on my own.

Throwing away a full pack of cigarettes is definitely not something I would ever normally think. It was indeed the Voice of God.

“But I just bought them!” I whined.

The Voice said nothing but I could feel it looking at me with its eyebrows raised.

“It cost like ten bucks!” I pictured myself the night before, handing my debit card to the woman behind the counter at the corner gas station as I shook my head at the ridiculous expense of these things, but buying them anyway.

Pause. “Was I mistaken or didn’t you just ask for help?

Well, yeah,then there’s that.

So I sighed, got up from my meditation chair, walked over to the $10 pack of Marlboro Ultra Lights sitting on the counter and ran them under the sink.

If I didn’t render these cigarettes completely unsmokable, I’d go dig them out later because I’ve done before. Before I could lose my nerve, I promptly took them out to the dumpster.

Then I poured myself another cup of coffee and fought the panic of living life without cigarettes.

Later that day, I remembered I had two remaining cigarillos in my kitchen junk drawer. I figured since the Voice of God didn’t mention throwing those out specifically, I was free to smoke them.

Such is the mind of the practicing addict.

# # #

 

 

 

 

 

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s