“Now what am I going to do?”
There’s something wrong with me.
On the outside, everything’s fine … I’m eating well, exercising regularly, spending time with friends. On the inside, however, I feel, well, just bad. Bored. Listless. Uncomfortable.
I keep wondering what’s wrong with me and finding no answers.
Until I checked my email this morning.
And then, thanks to my daily inspirational email from the Daily OM, I got my answer.
I’m in an “in-between time.”
My “In-The-Middle Of It” Time
In January 2017 I left my husband of ten years. I moved out of our three-bedroom house in an affluent neighborhood into a studio apartment that had at one time been a horse stable (true story). My intention was to take some time for myself, clear my head, and figure out whether the marriage was worth saving.
Thank God I had no idea how hard it was going to be.
After a year of inner torment, heartache, disastrous therapy, and so. much. crying, my husband and I divorced sixteen months later.
By the time the final court papers arrived in the mail to my mom’s house – I couldn’t get mail delivered to the horse stable (true story) – I’d already gotten my heart broken by a man with whom I’d recklessly thrown myself into a relationship.
The breakup was followed by insane – and I mean insane – binging, weight gain, and all the emotional and physical anguish that comes with it.
Eight months later, I’m now emerging from the whirlwind that has become my life with one scary question on my mind, every minute of every day:
“Now what am I going to do?”
No wonder I feel so bad.
My In-Between Time
The Daily OM email changed my perspective on this time in my life. Now I know that not only is there nothing wrong with me; in fact, everything is very right.
I’m in an “in-between time.” This is an important, pivotal time during which I can reflect, renew, rejuvenate and emerge even stronger and more clear than before.
This is new for me. I’m a lifelong Drama Addict, spending years chasing the next emotional high and wallowing in the inevitable low.
But I am willing to do life in a more balanced, self-caring way.
I am willing to do “in-between.”
You may be in your own “in-between time.” If that’s the case, I hope the below email, which is the one that greeted me this morning, comforts you as much as it did me.
EXPLORING OUR READINESS BY MADISYN TAYLOR
Those in-between times that happen in our lives can be viewed as being rich with possibility for what is coming next.
It could be argued that life is more about the time spent waiting for something to happen than it is about something happening. What this means is that the big events in our lives are preceded by many days and nights of dreaming, planning, organizing, and waiting.
The times of waiting in between the big events actually constitute the majority of our lives. These in-between times are anything but uneventful. In fact, they are rich with possibility and filled with opportunities for reflection and preparation.
Like a pregnant woman awaiting the birth of her child, we have a finite period of time in which to prepare internally and externally for the upcoming event that will define a new chapter in our lives.
When we find ourselves in an in-between time, we often can’t help but feel impatient for the impending event. We just want to get to the future and have the new baby, the new job, or the new house. And yet, there is a reason a pregnancy takes nine months to fulfill itself.
Nature provides the expectant parents with this time so that they can prepare the nest. This preparation plays out on many levels. Materially, a space must be created in the home and resources must be set aside for the baby’s future; psychologically, a shift must occur in which the psyches of both parents agree to be responsible for a new life in the world; and emotionally, the heart must open wider to embrace and fulfill a new love.
Whenever you find yourself in such a time of waiting, you might want to spend time exploring your material, psychological, and emotional readiness.
For example, if you are preparing to move to a new city, you could make a list of things you’d like to do in the city you will be leaving behind, and go to your favorite places and spend time with old friends.
This way, you will remain fully engaged in the present as you await your future, savoring the in-between time as a vital experience in itself.
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