Longest. Childhood. Ever.

“The Job Interview.”

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Today I’m interviewing for a different position within my company and I’m scared to death.

Not of the potential new responsibilities, possible change of location, or even the interview itself. But of the hope.

See, this is a position I really, really want. And I’m afraid I’m not going to get it.

Fear of disappointment is a thing with everybody, but it’s especially acute when you’re like me and the child of an alcoholic (thanks, Dad).

I learned early on that I could not afford hope. Hope meant crushed feelings, resentment that I couldn’t express, anger I wasn’t allowed to feel.

But that was then.

One of the best things I’ve ever heard about childhood is this…

“I may not have had the best childhood but I certainly have had the longest.”

While it’s important I honor the old feelings that come up, it’s just as important that I work diligently to stay in my adult self.

See, I’m not the little kid crying in her room every other Friday night because her father didn’t show up again. I’m not the little kid eating scrambled eggs for dinner because her father always managed to have a new car but never pay child support. I’m not the little kid whose father handed her a crumpled twenty dollar bill one day in December and said, “Here’s your Christmas present.”

I’m just not a little kid anymore, period.

So today, I’ll go in as the adult I am. The adult who has been studying for days for this interview, who knows her stuff and who will knock them out with her well-prepared presentation.

And one who is not afraid to hope anymore.

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