Recovery Doesn’t Just Happen

“Dang, girl. What the hell you got in there?” – airport luggage porter

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Today starts the ten-day vacation I wrote about on Day 15, and I spent most of yesterday packing.

It’s been twenty binge-free days and I’m taking my recovery on the road: My suitcase is filled with travel-friendly healthy food so I don’t have to resort to vending machines, my journal, recovery books, and headphones for meditating.

I am doing everything I can to take care of myself.

To paraphrase Oprah, if there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s that recovery doesn’t just happen. It’s something you have to value, plan out and – most importantly – protect.

Especially when traveling. For me it means I can’t just throw a protein bar and a couple pairs of underpants into a backpack and call it a day with the non-plan to “wing it.”

“Winging it” has gotten me straight to the vending machines because my blood sugar has dropped and I don’t have food with me. “Winging it” has driven me straight to the buffet because I had no other outlet for my anxiety.

There will be no winging it on this trip.

So I gladly paid the extra money for an oversized bag – and gave the amused porter a couple extra bucks – because that is a small price to pay for my recovery.

I never want to go back to active food addiction again.

I never want to …

  • Wake up on the floor of my apartment – in the same clothes I wore the night before –  taking shallow breaths because my stomach is too bloated to breathe properly.
  • Lie to my friends, saying I can’t show up again because I have a “cold.”
  • View my post-binge, puffy, anguished face in the medicine cabinet and think, “If there’s no hope for me, I am going to kill myself” … and mean it.

And I don’t have to.

And neither do you.

I heard once that the Universe is all inclusive: It will never say to someone, “You can have an abundance of blessings” … and then point to someone else and say, “But you can’t.” It bestows blessings to everyone, equally.

And I believe that. But I also believe we have to work for them.

So let’s do exactly that, shall we?

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