“Today I use food to treat my eating disorder. And because I eat only food that does not lead to cravings, I have no cravings. Hallelujah! My mind is clear, my heart is light, my health is perfect.” – iconic singer Judy Collins
Throughout my recent 10-month relapse, I’ve been desperately seeking a solution that would stop the insane, debilitating bingeing that is ruining my life.
Somehow – and there’s a lot of “somehow’s” in this story – back in October, I came across Cravings by Judy Collins, the singer immortalized in the Crosby, Stills & Nash song, Judy Blue Eyes.
Judy, in a breach of anonymity – sorry, Judy, I love you but I have to call you out on this – revealed that she’s a member of GraySheeters Anonymous (GSA).
This is a 12-step group that requires members to weigh and measure their food via digital scale at. all. times. Think business dinners … buffets … wedding receptions, … and (gasp!) … dates.
Like, oh hell no.
Fast forward three more months of insane bingeing and I’m at my wit’s end.
I – somehow – manage to show up to a New Year’s Day party (remember, I binged New Year’s Eve, ringing up 2019 sick, bloated and wearing the same party outfit) and run into a woman, V, whom I haven’t seen for years.
“You look great,” I say to V, eyeing her glowing skin and slim figure. “What are you doing?”
The very next day I take my car in for a smog check.
“Oh, dude, sorry,” says the jumpsuit-wearing kid (I’m a woman). “I can’t get a read on your battery. You haven’t driven your car enough.”
Apparently there’s something called a “battery life cycle” and mine hadn’t completed it.
“You need to drive your car for 20 miles at 60 miles per hour.”
That very same day I get a text from V. There’s a GSA meeting on Saturday morning that is – somehow – about 20 miles from my house.
I agree to attend the meeting, basically to reset my battery. I get on the freeway and drive my car, that’s right, 60 miles per hour.
I walk in and the man leading the meeting is – somehow – telling my story. He talks about buying binge food at the local liquor store, bingeing at home, and then returning to the same liquor store three more times that same night to buy more. He talks about losing days of his life due to sleeping off the sugar. He talks about the demoralization of not being able to stop.
I know I have to do this thing. I have no choice.
On the way out, I stop by World Market. I’m going to need a digital scale.
“Oh you’re in luck!” chirps the salesperson. “Normally we don’t stock the things but – somehow – we just got some in!”
I haven’t quite wrapped my head around the weighing-and-measuring in public thing but I’m not worrying about it. I know that if GSA is my solution, it will all work out.
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