Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’? – Jay Leno
During my recent trip to New Orleans, I went to see a psychic because, well, that’s what you do in New Orleans.
I came upon a shop in the French Quarter advertising “Voodoo Bone Lady Psychic Readings!”
Where’s the Bones?
Hesitantly I opened the door, expecting to see a stern, woman with tribal marks on her face and shrunken bones in her nostrils.
Instead I was greeted by a petite, very pretty woman who bore more than a passing resemblance to actress Lynda Carter, famous for playing Wonder Woman (WW) in the 1970s TV series.
Although, I was slightly disappointed the psychic wasn’t wearing the WW outfit (but in all fairness, it was really cold) I was really disappointed she wasn’t wearing any bones.
“Hello!” chirped the boneless woman. “I’m Miss Cynthia!”
Turns out that Miss Cynthia is an on-staff psychic; the actual Voodoo Bone Lady herself is on tour.
Go figure.
I sat down and Miss Cynthia spread out a deck of Tarot cards on a round table. She peered at them intently and said, “Would you stop worrying about your health!”
I stopped cold: I worry constantly about my health.
Fortune vs. Fact
Here’s what else the WW psychic told in the course of our 15-minute session.
- WW: Your constant health worrying is translating to adrenal fatigue and IBS.
- Me: I’d just gone to the doctor and had been diagnosed with a form of IBS. In addition I’ve been working on adrenal fatigue for years.
- Verdict: 100% Accurate
_ _ _
- WW: There’s nothing wrong with you physically.
- Me: I suffer from Restless Leg Syndrome, candida and an eating disorder. My overall physical health is excellent.
- Verdict: MostlyAccurate
_ _ _
- WW: You need to manage your stress. Light floral candles.
- Me: I do need to manage my stress but I hate floral candles.
- Verdict: I’ll give her an Accurate; it’s not her fault I hate floral candles
_ _ _
- WW: You are about to embark on a career that’s something you want to do rather than something you have to do.
- Me: Only a few weeks before, I’d started a daily writing practice with the hopes it would turn into a sustainable writing career.
- Verdict: 100% Accurate
_ _ _
- WW: You will write a series of books that feature the same characters, along the lines of Nora Roberts.
- Me: Whoa. This has been my secret dream for about 20 years.
- Verdict: 100% Accurate
_ _ _
- WW: There’s a man who keeps calling and texting me (“You should get rid of that guy!”)
- Me: My ex-husband does, in fact, keep calling and texting and I’ve been thinking it’s about time for him to stop.
- Verdict: 100% Accurate
_ _ _
- WW: You’re having a hard time living with the divorce settlement because it wasn’t fair.
- Me: Yes; could not be more true. In fact, I wrote about in full excruciating detail in Jan 6 | What’s Eating You?
- Verdict: 100% Accurate
_ _ _
- WW: There was an ebb and a flow to your money, right now you’re in an ebb but soon would be a flow. And you will be fine in retirement.
- Me: My money flow is fine but I do worry constantly about my retirement.
- Verdict: MostlyAccurate
_ _ _
- WW: You’re going to meet your soulmate in the spring. He’s going to be older and kinky.
- Me: How kinky?
- WW: Pretty kinky.
- Me: I’m not doing any weird butt stuff.
- WW: I make no promises.
- Verdict: God, I hope that’s not accurate.
Overall I was happy with the reading … except for that last part.
Dear Future Kinky Soulmate: When I meet you this spring, we’re going to have a conversation about boundaries.
Please make a note of it.
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