Jan 17 | The Return of the Sparkle

“You have such a pretty face.” – like worst compliment ever

I’ve only been binge-free for twelve days and smoke-free for three but already I feel better than I have in months.

My body is happy.

My head is clearing, digestion improving, and the flab around my waist is beating a hasty retreat from over the top of my underpants to where it belongs back under the elastic.

Most importantly, I’m starting to look like myself again.

Unfortunately, I wear my binges in my face.

The sugar, flour, and quantity go right into my cheeks. This causes a puffiness that I can’t hide no matter how much contour I spread under my chin while watching YouTube videos.

The worst is the effect on my eyes.

I am not ashamed to admit that my eyes are my best feature. Large, green, and sparkling, my eyes are the reason I’ve been told all my life that I have “such a pretty face.”

#WorstComplimentEver

When I compulsively eat, however, my eyes transform. It’s not just that they lose their sparkle and acquire dark circles, they also change in appearance.

My eyes look dead.

A picture taken at a recent Christmas party shows me with my usual bright lips and arm crooked on a hip encased in a now-standard long flowing black tunic.

Although I am smiling, if you look closely, my eyes are dull, hooded and joyless.

I’d been bingeing for days and it was a miracle that I even left the house, let alone attend a party. The best I could do that day was just shower, throw on some lipstick and, as the saying goes, “suit up and show up.”

I’ve come a long way since Christmas. Although my eyes haven’t yet lost their dullness, I’m not worried.

Recovery takes time.

I know that if I continue to put together binge- and smoke-free days, one day I’ll look in the mirror and see the sparkle back in my eyes.

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