Keto: The Early Days

My Keto journey officially started Monday, January 27, 2020.

First, some history: On January 1, 2020 — New Year, New Decade — I made a solemn oath that I was going to Binge. No. More.

It was an iron-clad commitment and I seriously considered getting at tattoo on my wrist (“01.01.20”) to commemorate what was going to be a game-changing day in my life.

I binged the very next day.

And the next. And then again the next. At least three times a week for the next several weeks, I ingested huge amounts of food, missed several days of work and lied to my friends about why I couldn’t attend whatever function I had planned.

February encroached and I became desperate to the point of suicide.

Over the past two years, I’ve tried three 12-step programs, seen four different therapists, attempted about six diets, joined a gym, bought expensive hot yoga classes, paid $500 for a weight loss coaching program, seen two psychics, filled my bookshelves with at least ten self-help books – and none of it had worked.

I’ve exhausted every option and I’m out of ideas. Keto is the last house on the block for me.

Days 1, 2 and 3: I Hate You

The Sunday before I start Keto, I make a huge Keto-friendly “loaf,” a recipe I invent consisting of eggs, ground turkey, bacon and onions.

It’s horrible.

This is unfortunate because it’s my lunch option for the next several days.  Fortunately a few of my other invented recipes — cauliflower mashed potatoes; pudding made with almond-milk yogurt, unsweetened cocoa and chia seeds; cream cheese on pretty much everything — makes up for the horror show that is my lunch.

I slog through the first three days  in a haze of exhaustion, constipation, dry mouth, and a mood so foul I wish death upon everyone around me.

I know this has everything to do with my recent sugar binges and nothing to do with Keto so I tell myself repeatedly that this, too, shall pass and keep my mouth shut as best I can.

Day 4: Bloated

I wake up bloated as hell.

My stomach is distended, my face puffy and even the loosest of my elastic waist-banded skirts are tight. Fortunately I find this blog that explains that it might be the MCTs I’m adding in my coffee and lack of fiber.

I make the necessary adjustments and hope it works because I am miserable. My stomach looks and feels like I swallowed a beach ball. I go to bed early and hope I wake up skinny.

bloated

Day 5: Unplugged

I do not wake up skinny.

I do, however, wake up determined. I remove the FitBit from my wrist, delete the tracking apps from my phone, and hide my kitchen scale. I am giving up dieting and anything diet-related and these things have to go.

I feel anxious. I have weighed and measured my food, body, and steps for as long as I remember; I am going unplugged and I’m freaking out.

unplugged

My head races about how fat I’m going to get, how can I possibly expect to lose weight when I’m not hungry all the time, how will I know if I’m eating too much, not enough or just right?

I guess I’ll have to trust my body, something I have never done.

Stay tuned for more on this Keto journey in future blogs. For now, take care of yourself and I shall do the same.

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