“Probably nothing in the world arouses more false hopes than the first four hours of a diet.” – Dan Bennett
It was time to weigh myself.
From the tightness of my pants, the largess of my stomach and the extra padding on my butt, I knew the news wasn’t going to be good.
Unfortunately I was right: I’ve binged my way up 10 pounds in three weeks.
I actually broke out my calculator for this one. In the month of January, I binged 12 days out of the 31, making that a 38% binge rate.
This is where dieting has taken me.
The quest to be skinny right now has led to extreme, opposite and equal binges. If I’m going to be completely honest, I got off easy with 10 pounds. My binges are so extreme and highly caloric that I could have easily gained twice that amount.
When I started Keto, I knew this had to be a different kind of journey; one that would address the physical issues I have of fluctuating blood sugar, chronic candida, mood swings, etc. but also be sustainable.
What’s interesting is how not upset I am the weight gain (now don’t get me wrong, I’m not happy about it) but I also know this is not the end of the world. Weight gain is a symptom of a deeper issue (chronic dieting) and can be corrected.
So I tuck the number away and use it as proof that in order to move into a different type of relationship with food, dieting has to go.
I’m also learning how to be hungry.
This may sound odd and antithetical to what I just said, but hear me out. I was put on my first diet when I was four years old. And it was a rough diet and I was hungry a lot (click here to read the full, sad story).
So now, decades later, when I feel hungry, the little kid inside freaks the fuck out: I’m going to die! I’ll never eat again! I’m going to starve to death!
Not only was that not true when I was four, but it’s not true today. I’ve never been in danger of starving to death.
But tell my little kid that.
So now I’m all about the self-talk, to self-soothe while not shoving food unnecessarily into my mouth.
Probably something I should have learned years ago, but what the heck – better late than never.
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