I have to make a decision. In an earlier post, I wrote about my friend Diane and our toxic friendship.
NOW what did Diane do?
Diane is throwing a birthday party for our mutual friend Ariel. As grateful as I am for being included, I am more resentful of having to decide whether to attend a party in the middle of a pandemic.
So, in the words of MC Hammer, I am going to break it down.
Here are my choices: …
I DON’T GO.
- Consequences: I feel left out; hurt Ariel’s feelings; piss off Diane; feel lonely and left out; probably won’t get invited to future gatherings.
- Benefits: I stay safe from COVID; I protect my food recovery.
I GO (WITHOUT MASK).
- Consequences: I risk getting and transmitting a virus that kills people; I risk binge-eating; I bond even further with people I’m trying to run from.
- Benefits: I eat and drink comfortably; I am liked.
I GO (WITH MASK).
- Consequences: I feel uncomfortable since this is not a mask-wearing crowd; I feel awkward trying to eat or drink; I risk my abstinence.
- Benefits: I stay safe; I get the smug, self-righteous pleasure of making everyone feel uncomfortable.
WHAT I SHOULD DO.
Not go to the party. Duh. Stay home, stay safe and learn to live with uncomfortable feelings that arrive when I make decisions that are in the best interest of myself, not other people. Develop some long-overdue emotional maturity and integrity.
WHAT I’M REALLY GOING TO DO.
I’m going to the fucking party. You know I am. And I’m probably come home all kinds of pissed off and wanting to eat.
Well, since I am going to go, in the next blog, I am going to put together a game plan to ensure I protect my safety, sanity and recovery. Because, in all honesty, nothing is worth bingeing over. Especially not a party.
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