“Always wear heels .. flats are for quitters.” – RuPaul
I started this blog in December 2018 at the lowest point in my life.
I had divorced my husband five months prior, already had my heart broken by another man, and – worst of all – returned to the binge-eating that I thought I’d left behind forever fifteen years before.
The severity of both the heartache and food binges not only surprised me, but at times quite literally knocked the wind out of me. Some nights found me crying in bed with sobs so loud I was sure my neighbors were going to call the police on what had to be a domestic disturbance (nope, just me, alone in bed, howling).
I started “Day 1” because I honest-to-God had no other idea on what to do. Writing had always soothed me so I figured a blog might – just might – help me sort through the nightmarish emotions that were constantly raging inside me.
I decided on “Day 1” because when you’re a compulsive eater, every. single. day. is “Day 1” … whether your last binge was one day, one year, or one decade ago. We’re only one bite away from the hell that is compulsive eating.
It’s February 2021 as of this writing and the global pandemic is still raging, but we now have a vaccine and a new administration, so things are looking up.
I’ve adjusted nicely to single life and work a fulfilling full-time job from home. It’s a quiet life – no kids, no pets – but I don’t mind. It suites me. Most days I’m happy and I can’t remember the last time I cried myself to sleep.
Again, things are looking up.
My compulsive eating, however, is still an issue. As of today, my last binge was three days ago. Although there’s been consistent improvement since I started this blog, I’m nowhere near where I need to go or want to be.
If you go back through my posts, you’ll notice that I cover a lot of ground, from a diet perspective. Each one – Whole30, Gray Sheeters Anonymous, Keto – promised to be “The Answer” but you’ll also notice that none of them did.
Because there is no cure for compulsive eating such as how I have it. I know this statement opens up a seething cauldron of debate, but I have had this ailment all my life and have spent hundreds of thousands of dollars and hours trying to survive it, so you’re going to have to trust me on this one.
I may be in the midst of the struggle but I will never, ever, EVER give up. I know recovery is 100 percent possible and I remain unstoppable in my pursuit of it.
My hope for you is that if you also suffer from an eating disorder, you will find connection, identification, and relief in these pages. If I know one thing for sure, it’s that we don’t recover alone.
May your days be bright, your spirit soothed and your journey very, very blessed.
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